Be respectful to each and every insider.Be respectful to each and every insider, especially the ones that you know and recognize, but also to the ones you don’t yet know or recognize. Know that these different selves will feel different and separate from each other, and they may very well appreciate being recognized as individuals. No matter who they are, treat each insider with kindness, respect, honesty, etc.
And remember this. There will be insiders watching you even if you don’t see them. They’ll be watching and listening from inside, even when someone else is presenting on the outside. In some ways, it’s like being on constant observation, so just be aware that anyone in the system, at any point
Treat them well, because they will most definitely remember if you don’t!
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5. Build a personal relationship with each insider that you meet.
Personal relationships are important to everyone, including every one in a dissociative system. Each of the inner people will have their own ideas, thoughts, likes, preferences, dislikes, fears, feelings, etc. They will have their own names, mannerisms, behaviors, etc. As you get to know each insider as their own person, you will be able to recognize who is with you at that moment, and then you can understand what is happening much easier. It will make sense to you, for example, if you know the kid parts are out, and all of a sudden there are messy piles of stuffies and colored socks thrown around the house. However, if you don’t learn to recognize the different insiders, you will feel confused at the changes that you see and experience.
Another hint. When it comes to Christmas, lots of the insiders really and truly appreciate a gift that is just for them. Now… I know there are limits to how many presents you’ll be able to provide, but keep this in mind, and share the love across the whole of everyone. Don’t give all the gifts to just one or two of the insiders. Spread your gift-giving out to a wider variety of the people, and keep it fair for everyone in the system.
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Treat them well, because they will most definitely remember if you don’t!
6. Be prepared for inconsistencies.
Yes, be very prepared for lots and lots of inconsistencies, and lots of changes of mind. DID is build on the concept of switching and being able to withstand extreme opposites. This was required for survival, and every dissociative person has a system full of insiders with very different approaches to life. This is normal for your loved one, and it’s not the fault of the DID survivor.
However, it can be very difficult to live with, both for the survivor themselves, and for the loved ones around them. Expect your DID person to tell you a variety of answers, each contradictory to the one they said last. Eventually, your DID loved one will find more consistency in themselves, as they build their inner teamwork and system cooperation. While that’s happening, please allow lots of grace for the flippity-flops.
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7. Find ways to give your dissociative loved one some positive experiences that they missed in the past.
What does this mean? For example, if your partner didn’t get to play very much as a child, find a whole series of fun things to do. The inside child parts will very much need time to play, draw, color, run, swing, throw a baseball, play in the park, etc. You’ll be able to find all kinds of fun activities that even the adults can enjoy. Go to water parks, go tobogganing, play at the beach, watch some of the fantastic kids movies, etc.
There is so much healing and recovery work to do that is hard, painful, and heavy. Bringing in the fun things will be a very much needed break from the hard stuff, and will most definitely help with recovering from the losses experienced in past years.
Another example: if your dissociative loved one didn’t get to eat properly while growing up, put a lot of effort into making sure they get enough good quality healthy food now. Cook special foods, create interesting treats, find new things to eat, and encourage everyone in the system to try these new foods.
Be willing to go overboard in the areas that were laden with deprivation in the past. Your DID loved one will need the extra help in these areas, and you can be of great assistance to their healing when you help out here.
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Tue Apr 11, 2017 10:36 pm by krathyn
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